"People will kill you over time, and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like “be realistic."
We spend all of this time being comfortable with being alone, the aching long days and hours of finally accepting singlehood and BAM it’s all thrown out the window. It’s as if we’re training for a marathon, only to have our legs amputated. And while amputees have found ways to still run marathons (it’s possible, I’ve heard) the rest of us sometimes find ourselves right back where we started, anxiously hesitating the familiar Start line when we will have to learn how to run alone again, but with emotionally less of ourselves.
What is love?
Love is smiling because they walked into the room.
Love is loving their friends and their family as they love them.
Love is accepting flaws and appreciating him more for them.
Love is him making your favorite food at the end of a bad day because he knows it will make you feel better.
Love is laughing until 4 in the morning one night and then hot, passionate sex until 4 in the morning the next night.
Love is being embarrassingly adorable and completely unaware that everyone else in the world thinks you’re embarrassingly adorable.
Love is so unique and mysterious to everyone it’s very hard to accurately define. It is that long, complex inside joke you have with one other person in the entire world that when explained to someone else, they give you a puzzled look and you say, rolling your eyes, “You had to be there I guess,” because no one else can understand it but you and the one you love.
Well it’s happened. I’ve finally reached the point in my life where I don’t know what the FUCK I’m going to do with my future. So many years until now I have been so stupidly arrogant, thinking my dream career was a well paved path ahead of me. No. Not so much.
I was randomly looking at websites of marketing firms in Austin, Texas, a city I’ve always dreamed of visiting and heard so much about. It came to my attention in this search that all careers under “marketing” (if you can even call it that!) where web-design based careers. I DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE A FUCKING WEBSITE YOU FUCK. I can bring in customers other ways, but make a fucking website with HTML bullshit???? no. just no.
So now I’m freaking out.
Why didn’t I go into graphic design? I ask myself.
I need a nerdy boyfriend to teach me this shit.
Sometimes God puts a person in your life, yet keeps them at a distance, making it painfully apparent that you need them at the same time.
I love this man. He is the only man I dream of marrying one day. Yet he is constantly at a distance. It has become a waiting game. Two years until I graduate.
"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real-but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."